Body Language Experts
Should Zip Their Lips On Candidates

Do you know what burns my bacon? People who put too much attention to insignificant things like a presidential candidate’s body impression.

Body language experts believe that presumed presidential nominees Republican John McCain and Democrat Barack Obama are strong characters because of how they carry themselves.

For example, because McCain “stands firmly and holds onto the sides of a podium,” he represents stability, according to these experts, while Obama’s casual walk shows that he’s a strong leader.

But for all we know, McCain is hanging on to that podium for dear life because we all know that old people break their hips as often as they take bathroom trips during the middle of the night.

And Obama’s easy stroll? Of course he walks that way. A fast moving politician makes people nervous!

And would these candidates’ speeches, policies and voting records be any different if they never looked up from their well-prepared notes to look at their audience or having their arms crossed, which according to many body language experts, is a sign of a barrier between others. Of course not.

It’s like when conservatives complain that Obama doesn’t wear an American flag pin or when liberals lovingly mention how McCain had an affair while his first wife was faithful while he was a POW. These are all non-issues that shouldn’t concern voters.

Many voters are like children with ADD. They’re easily distracted from the real issues from stupid things like affairs, flag pins and how they walk.

Thankfully, we didn’t have these insightful body experts back in the day, or George Washington wouldn’t have been our first president because of his famed wooden teeth or FDR wouldn’t have been elected because these experts believe his inability to walk gracefully would show that he wasn’t a strong leader.

Personally, the only time I want to hear from a body language expert is when he or she notices a nervous twitch in any of the candidates’ index fingers. I don’t want World War III to start because of an uncontrolled muscle spasm in a finger that’s next to that little red nuclear button. But that’s just me.