Wednesday, December 31, 2008

We Need A Hero?

As a kid, I loved superheroes. Superman has always been one of my favorite ones, along with Spider-Man, Batman and the Flash, just to name a few.

But a few foolish comic book fanboys, with their love of spandex, have decided to don superhero costumes and patrol the streets to protect citizens by making the bad guys stop in their tracks and wet themselves from laughing too hard.

As you can see from the FOX News clip from YouTube, these misguided, yet well-intention, souls have thought it would be a good idea to fight crime in colorful Halloween costumes. And let me tell you something about that.

Do you guys know why Batman, a guy who wears dark colors, made Robin wear bright yellows and reds for his uniform when they go out at night to fight crime? Just to make the bad guys shoot at the hapless and brightly colored Boy Wonder-target while Batman runs away. So while wearing a bright costume in the comics and in the movies looks really cool, in real life it just makes you a walking shooting gallery.

Sure, I spent hours as a kid dreaming about having superpowers. Who hasn’t? Who wouldn’t want to fly like Superman or have super strength? To have x-ray vision and look at that hot girl across the bar to only find out she's really a hairy guy in drag?

Now, not to demonize all of these nuts, some of them use their powers costumes to good use. A lot of them help out in children’s charities and that’s commendable work. But for those who think it’s a good idea to wear spandex and fight crime needs to see if Paxil is right for them.

If these nonsuper-powered idiots want to fight crime or help others, they could be real heroes and become police officers, paramedics or firefighters. The world needs more of these self-sacrificing heroes. But running around in a cape and mask will only get themselves and the people they’re trying to protect harmed or killed.

Doing dangerous, stupid stunts, no matter what their intentions are, by people who have a fetish for wearing their underwear outside of their clothes really burns my invulnerable bacon.