Can Government Handle Health Care Better Than Our Mail?

Hello fellow bacon lovers,

I started a new job as a columnist for SodaHead. Here's my latest column that appeared today ...

For more than 200 years we trusted the government to create a near-monopoly agency to mishandle our mail, and it’s losing billions of dollars. And now we think it can do a better job handling our health care? ...

For more, click here.

Must Not Laugh At Illegal Aliens

Do you know what burns my bacon? How we’re not allowed to laugh at criminals anymore.

A Southern California immigrant rights group is upset that Target is targeting illegal aliens this Halloween.

The popular shop-to-you-drop store has a very funny and creative costume of an illegal alien. But it’s not your typical South-of-the-border kind. It comes with a prison-orange jump suit, a green card and a gray extraterrestrial mask.

But instead of having a good laugh at the folks who have caused some problems for Americans by coming into this country illegally, the Coalition of Humane Immigrant Rights of Los Angeles (CHIRLA) decided to paint its own bulls eye at Target and BuySeasons, Inc., the company that made the costume, saying that it is a “distasteful, mean-spirited, and ignorant of social stigmas and current debate on immigration reform.”

Really? So, all these years when little kids and adults dressed up as your typical bank robber, the Italian mob hitman (and let’s face it, is there any other kind?), mob boss and escape convict, no one from CHIRLA had a problem with those? Is that the smell of a rotting Jack-O’Lantern or is it the smell of hypocrisy?

And let’s face it, while the costume does poke fun of those illegal immigrants, the mask doesn’t show someone born and raised from Mexico. The mask is that of the typical gray alien that is supposed to abduct people from their rooms at night.

And the only person who has any right to be upset over that costume is America’s favorite illegal alien: Superman. And we’re pretty powerless to do anything against him. It’s not like we have a jail to lock up that guy anyway.

Illegal immigration is a huge problem for all of us. It’s a slap in the face to the people who work hard to be here legally and it does cause huge problems, such as bringing drugs and crime into this country, among other things.

And the only outfit that should bother illegal aliens this Halloween is the kind that suspiciously looks like an authentic border patrol uniform.

Comment On Blogs Blast It!

Do you know what burns my bacon? Blogging networks.

You work your tail off trying to come up with a column and then you go to a social blogging network to tell everyone about your new masterpiece.

And instead of these people actually reading the column, they instead start shooting their mouths off about a topic they didn’t even read about.

Plus, you’ll get 50 comments about the column that no one really read on the social blogging network but none on your actual blog, where you want it the most!

Bloggers for the most part are like low self-esteem, nympho cheerleaders who only put out for the football team because they want and like the attention.

But unlike some high school cheerleaders who only need to wear a revealing skirt, bloggers have to jump threw hoops just to get one person to comment on their blog.

And it’s amazing, because no matter how high the number of visits or hits a blog gets, no one comments about it. Oh, they might post about a billion comments on that social blogging network or send you e-mails, but it means sackjhit to those of us who want to whore ourselves out and want to see some bloody comments on our actual blogs.

That way, the people who visit our blogs see that others have something to say about what we wrote.

Yes, maybe I am a needy guy who likes some attention for his hard work. Go ahead and ask my wife. I have the only wife who wants me to have an affair just so I can leave her alone.

And it’s just not me. Many bloggers have said the same thing.

So, instead of just commenting on a social blogging network or sending some guy an e-mail about his idiotic blog about his puppy, write a comment on his blog.

Let people know that he’s wasting Web space about his 50-page blog about an animal that’s peeing on his carpet.

We Need A Hero?

As a kid, I loved superheroes. Superman has always been one of my favorite ones, along with Spider-Man, Batman and the Flash, just to name a few.

But a few foolish comic book fanboys, with their love of spandex, have decided to don superhero costumes and patrol the streets to protect citizens by making the bad guys stop in their tracks and wet themselves from laughing too hard.

As you can see from the FOX News clip from YouTube, these misguided, yet well-intention, souls have thought it would be a good idea to fight crime in colorful Halloween costumes. And let me tell you something about that.

Do you guys know why Batman, a guy who wears dark colors, made Robin wear bright yellows and reds for his uniform when they go out at night to fight crime? Just to make the bad guys shoot at the hapless and brightly colored Boy Wonder-target while Batman runs away. So while wearing a bright costume in the comics and in the movies looks really cool, in real life it just makes you a walking shooting gallery.



Sure, I spent hours as a kid dreaming about having superpowers. Who hasn’t? Who wouldn’t want to fly like Superman or have super strength? To have x-ray vision and look at that hot girl across the bar to only find out she's really a hairy guy in drag?

Now, not to demonize all of these nuts, some of them use their powers costumes to good use. A lot of them help out in children’s charities and that’s commendable work. But for those who think it’s a good idea to wear spandex and fight crime needs to see if Paxil is right for them.

If these nonsuper-powered idiots want to fight crime or help others, they could be real heroes and become police officers, paramedics or firefighters. The world needs more of these self-sacrificing heroes. But running around in a cape and mask will only get themselves and the people they’re trying to protect harmed or killed.

Doing dangerous, stupid stunts, no matter what their intentions are, by people who have a fetish for wearing their underwear outside of their clothes really burns my invulnerable bacon.